Haiku and the Pictograph in EL, [With crows] by Ban'ya Natsuishi (December 2006)

. . . .
This is an EL (Earth Language) experimental page to enjoy
the image of a haiku/short poem originally in English/Japanese.
When you can't see the Japanese parts, please don't mind and just skip those parts , or see here to view Japanese.

Through this haiku, I recall a scene in Japan.
Several crows were gathering to croak on branches of a stark persimmon tree,
whose colorful leaves and fruits had just all gone away.
Between clouds the setting sun was momentarily lighting them
looking like it was joining their noisy chorus.

Now I often hear the same sound at sunset time in San Francisco, too.
Ban'ya Natsuishi rustically expressed his feeling at that time as the feeling of the setting sun!
Also here he ignored the 5-7-5 traditional syllabic Japanese haiku rule, as he often did.
This haiku is in " Haiku for Birds" in " International Haiku Quarterly Ginyu" that he publishes.

Crows seem to be seen almost anywhere in the world with various species.
So I tried to compose a new ideogram for it as the combination of "black" and "bird."

熟した 実も葉もすっかり落ちて寒寒した柿の枝々に数羽のカラスが集まって

この俳句は、「International Haiku  Quarterly Ginyu 吟遊」の
鳥たちのための俳句 」からいただきました。

{ 黒+鳥}で1文字案を構成してみました。

The Original Japanese by Ban'ya Natsuishi

The English translation by Ban'ya Natsuishi & Jack Galmitz
With crows
the setting sun sometimes
wants to cry

The EL translation

The symbols in the pictograph:
{ globe, spreading energy}: the sun (太陽)
: bird (鳥),  { plant,}: branch (枝)

The symbols in the EL translation:
{ preposition mark, joined}: with (とともに)
{ { }(a wings-opened bird shape): bird, {color, back}: black}: crow (カラス)
Here this ideogram is doubled to show they are plural, instead of compounding the plural symbol on top.
: grammar symbol for nominative (主語の指標)
{ {globe, spreading energy}: the sun, down}: the setting sun (夕日)
{08little, {for abstract measurement, time}: frequency (回数、頻度)}: sometimes  (ときたま)
This word is not in the original haiku. I prefer the original way,
but if you'd like, you can add this in front of the verb, following to the English verse.
{ verb mark,demand}: want to (〜したい)
{ {mouth, sound}: voice, large}:  loud voice; the verb form with : cry (大声・動詞符をつけて「叫ぶ」)

* The auther Natsuishi mentioned that his birds' haiku included this with illustrations will be published in Hungary:
Nacuisi Banja haikuit fordította Vihar Judit. Pápai Éva rajzaival.
"Japanese Haikus with Birds"
Nacuisi Banja’s Haikus translated by Judit Vihar and illustrated by Éva Pápai
Kairosz publisher, Hungary, Spring 2007

* 俳句の作者、夏石番矢さんからのコメント:
「ハンガリーの画家、Eva Papaiの求めに応じて、この句を2006年3月に作りました。
この句を含む、私の鳥の俳句50句を、私の毛筆揮毫による日本語、英訳、ハンガリー語訳、そしてEva Papaiの水彩画でコラボレートした本が来春出版されます。(上記)


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