Haiku and the Pictograph in EL, "between our spines" by Dana Duclo - February 2008 -


. . . .

This is an EL (Earth Language) experimental page to enjoy
the image of a haiku/short poem originally in English/Japanese.
When you can't see the Japanese parts, please don't mind and just skip those parts, or see here to view Japanese.
地球語の文字や文字絵を用いて詩的表現や翻訳を試みる実験のページです。

日本語文は俳句の下にあります
I think many of you have less exercise in this rainy or snowy season,
also only a few chances to watch the moon. For such visitors, I prepared a bonus for this month.

When I found this haiku by Dana Duclo at November 2007 Issue Vll:4
"The Scorpion Prize for Best Haiku/Senryu of ISSUE VII:3" in Roadrunner Haiku Journal website,
I enjoyed it in two ways:

(1) When taking "our spines" as "spines of you and me," I could see the romantic moonshine,
making the couple almost transparent.
(2) When taking the meaning of "spines" as "vertebras," some Qi/Chi-Gong or yoga kind of
senses sprang up, feeling the full moon as a symbol of the shiny universe, falling into the bodies.

From this (2)-image, a new EL Meditation Exercise came up to me.
After enjoying Duclo's haiku, please try it to feel your body and spirit becoming one
with the moonshine. You need not even stand up from your seat to do this.
So here I translated the haiku according to (2).

The author, Mrs. Duclo is a Polish-American writer and a certified school psychologist,
certified yoga instructor, living in Tucson, Arizona with her husband and daughters.
Her yoga body senses naturally worked for this unique expression.

The original haiku by Dana Duclo:

falling into
the space between our spines—
full moon


The Japanese translation:

満ちた月 背骨のすきまに落ちてくる

The EL translation:





The symbols in the pictograph:
: the moon (月)
: light (noun), shine (vi. with #gd) (光)
{ a life, for the shape}(as the fundamental setting): torso (胴体)
{ torso shape, being/existence}: sit, sitting (座)

The symbols in the EL translation:

{ full circle, vessel)}: filled, full (満)
{ globe, a half circle)} (sometimes circle/a half circle): the moon (月)
{ preposition-mark, verb-mark}: forming a verb with the following word, and it modifies the front word.
(後続語とともに動詞を構成し、この前の語を修飾する)
{ vertical shape, downward}: fall (n. and v. with a verb mark; as a picture-like ideogram) (落下)
: fall (vi.) (落ちる)
{ preposition-mark, halfway, amid}: between or among (〜の間の(に)
Since includes (space) and (position), only this ideogram can express for "into the space between," I think.
{ {power, stable/hard}: bone (骨), for the vertical shape, back}: backbone/spine/vertebra(s) (背骨)
EL is not fussy about single or plural as the rule, but if you'd like to distinguish it's plural for spines,
you can compound plural mark on .
Also here I omitted "our" that is in the original verse, from Japanese and EL translations.
In the (2) situation, it's not much necessary in these languages.
T tell about the (1) view, please add (we, our, us depending on the position) in front of .


Japanese:
雨や雪のシーズンで、運動不足だったり、月を眺める機会も少ない人が多いことでしょう。
そんなあなたに今月はおまけが付きました。

Roadrunner Haiku Journal
のThe Scorpion Prize for Best Haiku/Senryu of ISSUE VII:3
の中で上の俳句に出合ったとき、2つの解釈を楽しみました:

俳句は上をご覧ください

解釈 (1) ourをあなたとわたしととると、2人を透明にするロマンティックな
月光を感じます。(これならだんぜん秋ですね)
解釈(2) spinesを複数の脊椎全体ではなく vertebras (脊椎骨) と受け取り、
our は月下にいる人々のと解釈すると、この満月は宇宙の象徴のように感じられ、
気功の気分が涌きました。そして新しい 地球語瞑想体操が生まれました。

そこで、ここでは(2)に基づいて翻訳し、この体操もご紹介する次第です。
俳句を味わったあとで、是非この体操もお試しくださいね。
コンピュータの前に座ったままやっても気分転換できると思います。

アリゾナにお住まいの作者Dana Ducloさんは、お母さんライターで、
心理学やヨガの指導免許もお持ちだそうです。
やはりこのユニークな表現は、身体中で感じるヨガ体験があって出てきたのでしょう。

Poem Home (Back numbers) . To the top