Poem and Pictograph in EL, [Vespers--] (October 2005)


. . . .

This is an EL (Earth Language) experimental page to enjoy
the image of a haiku/short poem originally in English/Japanese.
When you can't see the Japanese parts, please don't mind and just skip those parts.
地球語の文字や文字絵を用いて詩的表現や翻訳を試みる実験のページです。

Continuously from last month, I translated this verse from Haiku Harvest Vol. 5, No. 1 - Fall & Winter 2005.
challenging to express a culture-background scene in EL again.
The author is Cristian Mocanu of Romania; this poem is among five line haiku called Cinqku..
which I had not heard of before. Mr. Cristian kindly explained about Cinqku in his email;
also with a wonderful tanka for me! I put the information and his tanka below.
I tried to translate his cinqku into Japanese in the Tanka rhythm.
Christianity is not in my tradition, but I can imagine how the author feels
in their tradition and environment very well through this verse.

先月に引きつづき、 俳句・ハーベストから再び地域文化の色濃い作品を採りあげます。
前回のインドの瞬間とはうってかわって、これはいかにもルーマニアの秋の光景をしのばせる
Cristian MocanuさんのCinqku(5行俳句)という形式の作品です。
不勉強にてCinqkuは初耳ですが、日本語では短歌にあてていいかなぁと、試訳しました。
著者からCinqkuについての説明と、地球語のためのすてきな短歌もお贈りいただいたので、それらも下に載せました。


The Original English Cinqku by Cristian Mocanu
Vespers—
the old tape
singing psalms in
almost perfect Latin
with me.


Japanese translation as Tanka
完璧なほどのラテン語古テープ 聖歌をともに歌う夕暮れ

EL translation



The meanings of the ideograms in the pictograph:
{ God, the cross symbol}: Christian God (キリスト教の神)
{ ear-shape, wave}: sound (音)
{ sense, ear-shape}: ear(s) (耳)

The meanings of the EL translation:
:{ a part of the sun , down}, time}: evening (夕方)
{ road/way of spirit}: religion/religious (宗教的な)
{{ ,}: sound, balanced,open, entertain}: music (音楽)
: multiple instances of dots are used to indicate a pause (余韻の間)
: { much,time, object}: old, aged (of a thing) (古い)
{ long/with length,sheet-type thing}: tape/sash (テープ)
{ preposition  前置詞, This grammatical notation to form a d-verb: meaning that the subject becomes in the condition shown by the following character/phrase; or the subject does the following action}: this verb modifies the front word (前の語を修飾する動詞)
{33,15, sound,(spreading energy, entertain), with a language}: song(s) with words (歌)
: (verb) sing a song with word (うたう)
{ the heading direction, preposition} : to, for〜へ(の)
{{ true,one}: absolute, existence}: God (絶対神)
{ situation/state, preposition}:  (preposition) as (the condition of ...) (〜なふうで(の)
{ recognition, the same}: similar, near (同様、差がない)
{ true, circle}: perfect (完璧)
{ : bracket to show the type of the following name, language}: to show the following phonetics are for a name of a language (次は、言語の1種であると示す類別記号)
: (as phonetics shown between the phonetic brackets) Latin (: a vowel between [a] and [e]) (表音で「ラテン」)
{ preposition, joined}: with (〜とともに(の)
: I, my, me (according to its position); this hand sign  points the center of the chest by the thumb (私)

Information about Tanka, Cinquain and Cinqku sent by Cristian Mocanu:
In the early 20-th century, Adelaide Crapsey (1878-1914), an American poet, developed a form she called cinquain. Since this form has striking similarities to tanka, many claim that she devised it under Japanese influence, but, as all her cinquains-28 in all-were published posthumously, no proof was found in support of this claim. Many English speaking poets have since used this form (sometimes also known as "American cinquain"): 5 verses with a syllable structure: 2, 4, 6, 8, 2; no rhyme but (unlike tanka) titled.

  In this year 2005, Mr. Dennis Garrison thought of a fusion between cinquain and haiku, and developed a form he  called cinqku. Its syllable structure is: 2, 3, 4, 6, 2. Like haiku, it is untitled and it should have a kireji and a slightly humorous note. A lot of poets have started to write cinqkus since, but it's still the newest poetry form there is.
(* Mr. Dennis Garrison is the editor of Haiku Harvest site where this Cristian's original cinqku is)

Tanka written for Yoshiko by Mr. Cristian Mocanu:

the improvised bridge-
many cross it, to and fro,
o’er swollen waters.
even sitting at your desk
you can span the seven seas.

.... Cristian, thank you very much for encouraging me.
I hope EL will beautifully work like this in the near future.   Yoshiko

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